The lecture was rough. Freedom itself was outnumbered by Determinism, Nature, External Influence. A priori reasoning had conditional value and who could really determine what those conditions were? I struggled with objective reality and where we fit in that bleak landscape.
But after class I took a seat on a bench on campus and got emotional at this absolute recognition of the interdependence between the universal and the personal. Perceptions, beliefs, laws, causality; every moment the authority is changing hands. A thought decides and action that creates a reality based on a principle that is only proven on a gamble on intuition but reinforced by logic and aided by physics. We're in bed with God and we don't fully appreciate it. Commercially maybe but that way isn't what fulfills us when we are looking for confirmation in our lives.
The body and everything it has to interface with adds quite the complication, but I don't believe the physical should be disregarded. It's as valuable to experience the downs as it is the ups. The rules are ours to break and rebuild. We don't have to recognize terms like "bad habits" or "guilt." We don't have to be untrue once we become self aware. Playing our part is hard enough without complicating it by trying to figure out how our score adds up. It seems to me we are either inviting shame or joy into our lives and the deal is constantly being renegotiated with the forces around us. The bottom line is you and I matter, we have a say and it's a serious ingredient in the experiences we encounter and share with our neighbors.
I came home ready to play more LoL or to get my last world event achievement in WoW. I laughed at the desperation when I realized I had to transcribe whatever aspect of this inspiration I could first. It was the priority and I was able to satisfy it here and now. Under impulses like this I shouldn't have to fear the future, and maybe the truth is I shouldn't have ever feared it before, let alone the present or myself in either state.
I can do it.