A couple of days a go I began a journal on production experience and related internships. At the moment I've recorded my experience working on the one indie set and thought about providing a prologue to my internship which starts later today and will be active 2-3 days per week, giving me some key experience into sales and distribution. I'm happy to be doing something but that sense of momentum and accomplishments seems only to journey with a page count of written words. More often than not I can't enjoy anything unless that effort has been manifested and I probably hesitate from updating this blog to save myself the guilt of admitting I haven't made much headway.
But holding oneself accountable means having to face these truths doesn't it. It shouldn't mean the end. Just a series of hurtful reality checks that prove the perception is not the reality and there is still a lot of work to be done. It's easier living honest, even if that honesty means anticipating another month without much to show for it, I can attempt to challenge that future with every moment I enter. It's just tough living it from the inside. And so I'm putting these things on paper so I can see it from the outside, so I can have perspective and maybe its not so senseless to write honestly about the marginal moves. Every little bit counts. Were I to have no sense of direction, knowing at least that would be a start.