Saturday, July 16, 2011

American Soul

What has the 2nd generation adopted?

I have a pressing need to unravel and reform. I simply want to show that I can. Do it. I'm lower middle class, I haven't a job. My mom either. The cable may be shut off soon and the phone and the internet. Her cell phone is dead, I'm keeping mine alive on credit. We don't know where the rent money will come from. I'm on school loans and spend what I don't have for film production. I get a beer when I can. I splurge on $15 meals at 5 Napkin Burger because there's nothing left and I won't despair. I refuse to believe its ending, I can't relate to death or the corruption of my existence by poverty. I can't believe that somehow living has become forfeit to me because of the station I was born in. That my education thus far, some 90+ credits, and all the inspirations: Nathanael West, Oscar Wilde, Val Lewton, Dickens, too many more, the developed sensitivity for the world, for physics, philosophy, causality, people, and their art, the dream I've inherited and the information that supports I am at liberty to pursue but can not be granted a guarantee, I cannot know, though I feel it is meant for me, if I am meant for it.

The dream is to transcend the station of my boundaries and to project my intent beyond them. The dream is to be more than my class designation and to lead others through the haze of complacency to things they believe they cannot influence, let alone control.

The road of idleness is one of the few cases where we are all clairvoyant. We know what haunts us day after day and what escapes we grasp at to forget because, as some philosopher might say, forgetting is happiness but it is not the truth. The threshold of man sparks the creative engine, it changes us to make us more than men but true creators of reality. We can redefine the language and the standards of behavior, we can change the line of scrimmage on our own ideals. We can garner momentum from the soul state itself and we can push the limits of what we accept for the self-country.

The waves ripple outward but one shouldn't be concerned that way. The American soul-state is an act of conquest in the gift of the "inalienable" consideration. The rights we've agreed to posess put a claim of greatness on the future it is our task to behold and pursue as The Function of human agency. It is this threshold that we push in the world that mirrors the threshold we push in ourselves and we can only do it by facing the unknown, the random, the chaos that is wholly perceived in a future where we decide to involve ourselves.

To abstain from involvement is to know your own death. To push out your expressions and reach people, to finess your understanding, to hold yourself accountable to reason and a display of strength and the duty of creation, this is what it means to inherit the chaos and process it through harmony of your bond with the vision. From the raw we can mold the future.

Any month I could be out of here, with my mom. It's gotten that bad and I've hurt myself in letting so much time go by in this evolution of the mind, although it may turn out that it could not have worked out any other way. But I'm scared and I'm facing into the darkness of conquest and see that there can be no other option to grant me the peace I need because . . . in the end it's not about me, but about what I'm apart of. It's about our evolution, it's about the world my grandchildren will inherit, it's about giving my mom a vacation, and it's about you. I intend to exploit every opportunity to enjoy myself, but I am learning to merge the joy and the work so that I can become unstoppable and undeniable.

The mind is not tame or certain, the Id is merciless in its desires and the spirit needs an army to tip the scales . . . an army or perhaps the right set of words, the right hint, the right idea.

I have one, it will be a house for indie film production and I will trademark the name before I present it here. Because I am good but I defend my goodness, with the evil if it must be so. The world is unsure of itself, so those of us capable of love, commitment, or obsession as a close alternative, need to stand.

The American soul state pushes the frontiers of the common man. The New York Soul state makes him ravenous. I Am.

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