I was surprised to see the daily ritual of indecisiveness spoke in the terms of a physicist in a very special documentary I watched between the hours of 4am and 6am last night.
Quite simply, the bad habits are constructed from experience on the level of the ego. The dreams and wishes also contained on such a level do not manifest if the intent is solely held within local consciousness because of its narrow set or resources. Non-local consciousness, and discontinuous thought is where reality is manifested, just as the vital, mental, and supramental are manifested possibilities of such non-local consciousness. Change therefore comes in the acceptance that materialism itself is a dead-end. There are too many paradoxes that erupt from it as a ground up source of reality; for instance the duality of the subtle and the shared experiences, the subjective and objective perspective that force an alienation and frustration in our ability to effect real change.
I'm likely butchering this. The documentary is called the Quantum Activist. It follows a path of a renowned thinker who's name I must learn to recall properly. He is Indian, self-aware, vastly intelligent and a professor now who is doing absolutely what is needed to be done; he is explaining our shared responsibility to each other and our planet. He is showing scientific reasoning that supports our effect upon our reality and the nature of God. The conversation is a requisite for those who feel stuck.
I've been struggling with what should be a mild challenge. I must write a number of essays for class. However each paragraph has been a grueling experience. My willpower is locked up in ways I can't explain. And for all the reasoning behind the necessity of this act, my emotional self is abstaining from commitment. It is peculiar this form of rebellion. It is completely self-destructive. I even like the class I have (19th century novel). I've had the great benefit of being introduced to Dickens, Pearce, Austen and more. The stories are ripe for analysis. And yet in the great mess of appreciation I found myself without the map to wade through to the execution of a proper response. All I have felt is doubt and wonder. I fear this weekend is all I have. I am very close to fulfilling the requirement for my creative writing degree but if I fail this class, not only is that money wasted but possibly a threat to loan qualification that will go to finishing film school. I cannot to have my GPA fall by any great degree.
The relationship suggested in the Quantum Activist was an alternating one where an individual affects local and non-local consciousness in tandem - where action is supplemented by presence of being. The incubation period that follows familiarity of a subject is an important part of eventually harnessing the subject for one own purpose. The focus upon activity, being goal oriented is a natural urgency for us, but greater challenges require discontinuous leaps in thought to provide the perspective enhancing suitability and capability. We have to go out of our minds a little to adapt to new challenges. Specifically this non-local consciousness is the one where we resonate with the cosmic. It is there the possibilities are chose and the manifestation occurs for us to perceive.
By restating the nutshell of what I have come to appreciate in this documentary I hope to have internalized it in such a way that will aid me in my immediate commitments and become a greater aid to myself and those I care about in the future.