Watching, waiting, pondering, all have a finite amount of gravity to any cause. At a certain point you become a coil winded until the tension is lost in the ether. Within that time you have the severe opportunity to lash out and cause the kinetic gratification only the soul can know and drink in. Often our senses betray what's at stake too late to make a difference. I made a general reference but the metaphor was apparent when the micro-sleep assaulted me during this day's venture into technology training.
A possible future income stream, when observed, slowly fades into scenery and stretches thin all things civil in an academically acclimated individual. I fall asleep, against my will, quickly waking, my lapses hopefully imperceptible to a room full of attentive participants. The experience is invaluable but it's also important to pay attention to the way I work. How far should a person push their limitations in unfamiliar environments? Maybe the answer to that is a non issue for those committed to evolving their life.
I hope I didn't snore.
I get most sleepy after lunch.
The direct conversations afterward are infinitely more engaging because I'm finally involved again. I think, like most people, I'm starting to lose my appreciation of the sidelines. Patience inner padawan. I say this to myself.
On to other news: I think I'm fairly perceptive to important details of a given social environment. But the amount of things left for me to learn are absurd. Programming languages, sales techniques, fitness and diet disciplines left to maintain not just for life benefit but for work benefit, active hourly planning and goal setting, being a better person in general to everyone I know: the list goes on and the priorities are always shifting and I'll be turning 27 soon . . . It's not really old or anything but as for getting my shit together you'd think some of this would have dawned on me a few years ago. where was I? I don't want to entertain the whole complacency spiel over again. It's been rubbed dry. I've always wanted momentum and opportunity and resources. The idea that it all comes down to the right connection is baffling for the amount of personal investment that becomes necessary to deserve the affiliation and make the most of it. Does it come down to natural ambition or social compassion? It's probably both right? You and the whole world important together? We are one?
It's interesting to see how the answers can't be glimpsed until your almost too busy to recognize them, as if they are meant for everyone else but you. Is assurance not meant for the leader, would that assurance betray their vigor? Are leaders meant to carry their insecurities along side their maturation? Why are demons so integral to process? Is it as simple as resistance, like gravity and muscle tone?
I'm transcending terms and making no stances. It's all fun, it's all fluff. I may perform this year at a slam somewhere. Lets see, I'd love to get some people on here.